Work - really?

@BethKempton Soul Stack Prompt

I took Beth Kempton on a walk with me today. I had listened to the Soul Circle prompt, and found myself reacting - not very well - to the prompt, to the word work! I sat down to write about work, and found myself bogged down, making excuses, triggered by annoying historical events that hold no significance to me now in my (lets be honest) privileged retirement. In all likelihood those events didn’t mean that much when they occurred - but….!

So I walked the dogs, listened to some podcasts, fed the ponies, and I slowlty straightened out the mess in my head. What I realised is of course that work is just a word.

It’s not all work, and it wasn’t all work that was rubbish. In fact it wasn’t work at all, it was an occasional tosser human. I started to think about how much I had enjoyed working, all the positive experiences that I had had, friends made, people met, the laughter, the places visited. I learnt so much that was valuable and life enhancing, and I loved bringing some of it home to my family life too. I had an amazing career and mostly loved it.

What I notice, in opening my mind to a different way of thinking, is that It’s the bits that I loved that I still do today. Only I don’t have performance reviews, or team meetings, or webinars (yes I was pre zoom). I don’t meet with customers, or attend sales conferences, or dress up in fancy frocks for a gala dinner, or win prizes and fabulous trips to amazing places. What is much more important is - I don’t mask my neurodiversity all day every day any more. I say No with confidence (thanks my daughter and Helen Rowlands ) and even (drum roll) accept that saying no is often ok, the right thing for me to do. Oh I still do guilt, anxiety, sleepless nights, mithering, all that crap, BUT, I base doing my work now around me (and family, dogs, ponies). I say I am retired, that I volunteer, and realise that I say this so that I can say no more easily when I don’t want to neatly fit into somebody else’s schedule. I no longer have meetings in basement hotel rooms in busy city centres. Now I have them under Oak trees in a temperate rainforest. I don’t peer at unintelligible tables of numbers on a screen, now I peer through a loupe at the extraordinary, mind blowing beauty of a lichen, and stand back in uncomprehending wonder, not feeling stupid, instead overwhelmed by the magnificence of nature and wanting more, so much more.

I didn’t know that I had the choice to follow a creative path, or find a job that would take me into nature every day. I didn’t realise that life wasn’t all about mortgages and debt, that there are other ways of living, and flourishing. I didn’t realise that I could be more than my education. That the child who was so disengaged was just struggling to make sense of a human world that was wired up differently. I had no idea! Until one day I woke up, heard some very uncomfortable truths, and decided that I could live my life as though - well as though it was my life to live - my way. I work now because I love what I am doing, choose my projects, learn and create. I love exploring my potential, learning new skills. I love work that challenges my perceptions, rattles my cage, takes me out of my comfort zone.

So thank you Beth Kempton , once again for rattling my cage, and helping me see me a bit more clearly. At 63 - really? I’m not so afraid anymore of failure, because to be honest, who’s judging? At 63, I am a neurodiverse, passionate lover of nature, who just wants the chance to make a little bit of difference to the world that has given me everything. And that doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

Much love

Sarah x